As I sit here and enjoy the first half of my beer, I can’t help but notice a new bartender who is working. It’s not hard to notice someone who looks like she does. And now she has positioned herself in a way that she can simultaneously continue her conversation with her coworker, while at the same time staring at me. This is obviously her attempt to see if I will give her the same response in return. All that it would take is allowing our eyes to lock for longer than a second, and I would be opening the door for the first conversation. After three times of glancing over to verify that my theory is correct, I accidentally make eye contact with her and she doesn’t look away. I actually chuckle out loud to myself (strange when you’re sitting by yourself)… she’s bold. She didn’t even ATTEMPT to break eye contact. I feel like telling her that I get the point, but tonight just isn’t going to work. Once even a simple conversation is started, I’m eventually obligated to asking her for her phone number and before you know it, I’ve booked up my entire evening. But I’m just here to write an article… So I will try to digress. Hmmm, but maybe I could reschedule? I mean, she issss pretty attractive.. and eyeing me down harder than Jose Bautista did that home run in the ALDS. Alright now I’m just regressing, not digressing.
How do I understand everything that she is trying to say to me without her physically speaking a word? Body language. Haven’t we all heard that somewhere around 80% of communication is actually body language or indirect communication? She stared at me without even trying to look away when I would lock eyes with her, all so she could make sure she I knew that she was checking me out. (Clearly I must be on my A game tonight buuuuut I can’t let her long blond hair and blue eyes distract me.)Hmmmm. Let’s just say this better be a great article or I may question whether I made the right decision or not.. Either way it’s going to seem wrong once I get home. Sports and beautiful women will make any man stupid…
We’re talking about body language and indirect communication. Everyone talks about body language and how effective that is, but let’s take it to the next level à indirectly communicating with people, and how you can learn to use this skill to your advantage. Let me start by saying that, if you are the only person in your friend group/ work group/ peer group/whatever group, that is employing this tactic then you will find it very easy to utilize. Most people have no idea how to use this tool in their lives, so if you can learn how to use it effectively then you can start to learn how to ‘control your narrative’. (My publicist was supposed to make that quote a link to my “Control the Narrative, Control the World” article but I gave her the day off.)
Alright so start by taking any of your peer groups, friend groups, coworkers, family, it doesn’t matter it works for all groups of people. First and foremost you have to start by identifying the ‘communicators’ amongst your given group. It may be more than one, and the more the merrier! In mafia terms they would normally call these people the ‘rats’ but that’s a little too derogative for my taste and this article. All the ‘rats’ usually get killed and our ‘communicators’ are only going to strengthen your grasp of the central narrative. So our ‘rats’ actually help our system or organization, not hurt them like they do in Mafia terms. So once you have identified the ‘communicators’ amongst your group, let’s start using them to your advantage.
If you have opinions, information, or anything, that may not necessarily HAVE to be shared with others, but maybe you can share it with them for the benefit of a situation, a narrative, or just yourself, use your ‘communicators’ to do the work for you! It’s kind of like when you hear those rumors about college head coaches that are considering other coaching offers. Often times the only gossip or rumors that get out to the media are nothing more than PR moves to help negotiate a current contract. Outside of TMZ, rumors and gossip that ‘leak’ out about most famous people are actually nothing more than them utilizing us all as their own public ‘communicators’. It’s all to help them manipulate a public narrative that they can utilize to their own advantage. They are shaping their own imagine. Stop being fooled; now you know.
Remember when Nick Saban was considering the head coaching job at Texas University back in 2013? Oh yeah, then he ended up signing a substantial contract extension/raise with Alabama? You don’t think that he manipulated that story to be leaked so that Alabama would fear losing him and thus offered him more money and an extension to stay? Yeah right, don’t fool yourself.
Then there is the bad part of ‘communicators’ that you don’t necessarily embrace. This is when all of the negative information, rumors and opinion get tossed around faster than the San Antonio Spurs moving the ball on offense. I’m pretty sure we all remember how quickly those bad rumors in high school made their rounds, so why not use the same system to your advantage whenever you can? The communicating will always continue, so learn to utilize it to help you out as often as possible. Think of it like a tool in your toolbox of abilities that you can occasionally use.
So let’s tie everything in a knot. Start utilizing the ‘communicators’ of your given group of people to help control your situation. Whether it may be difficult information, beneficial information, manipulative information, or unintentional information, remember that the ‘communicators’ are always working whether you realize it or not, so it’s best to be aware. I’m still very well aware of this bartender. Obviously she’s figured out how to use indirect communication to her advantage; my fear is that too many others may have ‘directly’ communicated with her before now… Ouch